Guarding Against Identity Theft

Don't lose yourself in the job

Making it over the long haul is a serious challenge for any leader. I was once in a roomful of leaders when Bobby Clinton asked us to count the number of Old Testament leaders who had finished well. We came up with very few among many. This sobering reality from the Old Testament carries over into the New Testament when reading the words of Paul. He writes about finishing well and his words carry the significance of making this happen in his ministry. Paul lived under very different leadership dynamics than a ministry leader experiences today. I am sure some aspects were much more difficult while some were not. In either case, finishing well is a goal leaders have shared across the centuries.

Admonitions to daily spiritual disciplines are among the most commonly suggested means to finish well in our fast-paced leadership environment. I embrace that admonition. The daily disciplines of prayer, time in the Word, reflection, and journaling are a bedrock of staying fruitful for the long haul. But I want to add another tool to your longevity toolbox.

One of my favorite book sections is from The CEO Next Door by Bothelo and Powell. I am going to cite a rather long passage here, well worth reading in full. I have read this in countless leadership meetings, so if you have heard it before, you are welcome.

Thanks to twenty minutes in a Singaporean cab with legendary McKinsey alum Ted Hall, Dom Barton, the managing partner (i.e., CEO) of McKinsey, learned he had been the victim of "identity theft." It was 7:30 A.M., and the two men were to connect in the hotel lobby to head to an 8:00 A.M. meeting with the finance minister of Singapore. When Ted showed up, Dom's jaw dropped. "Ted Hall is a big, intense guy," he recalls. "And he's wearing this big red Hawaiian shirt." Dom immediately pleaded with him to go change. "You can't wear that to a meeting with the finance minister!" Ted was completely unmoved. Dom had a choice: this shirt or no shirt at all. Finally, they got into the cab, and Dom wanted to prep. He asked Ted for the document he was supposed to bring. Ted shrugged: What document? Dom started to lay into him, but Ted cut him off. "Dom, if I had a document, I'd rip it up and throw it out the door," he said. Shocked, Dom muttered, "Maybe we should cancel this meeting, you're tired. I think you have jet lag. Ted cut him off: "Let me ask you a rhetorical question: Are you an interesting person? The answer is: no, you're not. In fact, I think you are the most boring person I have ever met. I know you had hobbies when you joined the firm, but we've sucked it all out of you. That's a problem. I'm a musician. I play the French horn. I founded a jazz record label. I've sailed a sailboat across the Pacific. What have you done that isn't work related? Why should people want to be around you? They were harsh words, tough love from a man Dom revered. The truth set in: Like so many present and future CEOs, he had succumbed to "identity theft." His corporate identity, his hyperfocus on the work, had subsumed his humanity. It happens all too easily and leads to problems that get magnified the further you climb. If you become a hollow husk of a human, you burn out fast—but that's not the worst of it. You can't lead effectively if people don't see signs there's a person behind the title.

Protect your identity from theft. Invest time in nurturing aspects of yourself that are unrelated to your CEO job or status.

Ministry leadership can suck the life of a soul. It can steal your identity. The people challenges, travel, meetings, concern for organizational sustainability, mission fulfillment, and other realities of our jobs take emotional and mental resources. As we wrap our lives around confronting these challenges, we can exchange our personal identity for an organizational one. As we serve to the best of our capacity, we need to block the job from defining us.

You have probably known leaders who are all about the job. It works for a while but eventually, their conversational topics are limited to work issues. Their relationships dwindle to either work colleagues or other ministry CEOs. Their families become identified with their organizations. They become, to most others, boring. Who wants to hang out with this kind of person? When the job is over, who are they?

The safeguard against becoming a work-dominated leader is simple: pursue relationships and interests above and beyond the job. Invest in local ministry in which you are not the leader. Do a hobby. In fact, have several hobbies. Play an instrument. Exercise with others. Whatever it is, be an interesting person with things to talk about well outside the circle of your organizational leadership. This is one method for being a life-long learner. Just this week I started messing with “SDR” (software defined radios). For not much money, I am learning a whole bunch of new things.

As I have made this recommendation to leaders, some have pushed back. What was Jesus’ hobby? Did Paul fly drones? Did Moses play pickleball on Saturday mornings? Let me remind you that biblical leaders lived without the organizational traps we face. They didn’t hold board meetings, file budgets, or do management in the ways that we do today. The cell phone did not live in their hands with its constant vibrating for attention. They had different challenges.

There is a payoff, by the way, past your longevity. By being someone with interests outside the job you can serve from a position of strength. The experiences and joy that you bring back to the role make you a better leader. And a better person.